How to Get Laid on the Internet

Ugly Guys can get Hot Women Too

This page contains material of an adult sexual nature.

Anyone can do it

It seems like 10% of the guys get 90% of the women and the other 90% of guys get little or nothing. And - some of the guys who are popular with the women are just plain butt ugly. How do they do it? Why do some guys get all the women and most guys are lucky to get any? What is it that women really want and what is it that gets them hot? What do you need to know to get laid?

This web page reveals the tips and tricks to picking up women online. The information here isn't going to guarantee that you're going to get some. But it can increase your chances significantly. Ultimately it's up to you to ultimately score. But I hope this will clear up a lot of misconceptions about women. And by looking for women online you can meet women anonymously. This allows you and women out there looking for sex to be bolder and more comfortable that you and they might be in person.

About the Author

As you can see from an old picture of me from 1997 - I'm nothing special to look at. I was born in 1955 so do the math on my age. And - like most men my age I'm getting old, fat, and ugly. Yet I still get quite a few offers for sex - women wanting me to get them pregnant - and many of them are young and hot. (However - women 35+ are far easier to find.) And I'm doing about 10 times better than I did back when I was young, good looking, and stupid. Do women want old ugly guys rather than young and handsome? Not hardly - but the difference is that I've learned a lot of things I didn't used to know. And that's made all the difference.

Where did I learn my tricks? Part of it is being a nerd. I'm always curious about how things work - especially women. So I learn quick. But the real education came after my divorce. During that time I spent a lot of time with hookers and I had a friend who had an escort service. I had already became a good lover and the girls who worked there spoke highly about me to my friend who was the boss. So - because these women liked me my friend decided to use me as the break in guy for all new hires, especially women who have never been in the business. He wanted to make sure these women had a positive experience on their first date.

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As a result of my experiences I wrote The Men's Guide to Escort Services which is a howto guide on how to call a hooker. This guide is so popular that hundreds of online sex workers have links to this page with the instructions - read this before you contact me. Many women read my escort page as well and were wondering how to get into the business. So I eventually wrote Shy Girl's Guide to Becoming a Whore so that women who wanted to experience being a prostitute could do so in a manner that was safe and smart.

During the time I was seeing these women they had made a lot of comments about me as a lover. At first I thought they were just making it up but after several serious conversations about it - it turns out that the average guy doesn't know anything about how to have sex. Many of them were becoming web savvy and had seen my other writings and were encouraging me to write a howto book teaching guys how to do it right. So - I started interviewing them about that. I said, "Some day in the future you'll be fucking some guy who will have read my web pages. What do you want to tell him?" As a result of this feedback from almost 50 sex workers I wrote The Nerd's Guide to Sex. You can click on my picture to find out more about me in other fields.

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Eventually I moved to San Francisco and stopped seeing hookers after discovering how easy it was to meet women online. Up until now I had guides as to how to relater to hookers, how to have sex, but not how to find women to have sex with. Hopefully, this will fill in the missing piece.

The First Step is to Find where the Women are

If you want to get laid the first thing you need to do is figure out where the women are and go there. This can either be online or in person. If you work on a job with no women, you don't have a social life, and you don't get online you aren't likely to get laid. You need to be around women to at least be in that game. The first trick is to understand the math of meeting women, and the math is - the more women you meet - the more likely you are to score.

It's sort of like buying lottery tickets (something I don't do myself) but if you buy one ticket for a buck - you have about a 1 in 200 chance of winning $100. But if you buy 50 tickets your chances are 50 times better. The same is true of women. If you try 50 times you are 50 times more likely to get laid than if you try once. Many guys try once or twice and give up. The guys who get laid understand that they are going to get rejected 50 times for every time they score. But that's just the way it is. The guys who are getting it often are successful because they try more times and get rejected more times than the guys who give up.

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I saw an episode of the cartoon King of the Hill. The character Boomhauer is know for his prowess with women. In this one episode Boomhauer is showing Bobby Hill how to score with women. He goes to a shoe store where lots of women are and basically hits on every one of them. After getting slapped 25 times or so - he scores. The point being is that he found one that was ready and he didn't give up because he was rejected a lot of times.

It doesn't matter who you are (unless you're Bill Clinton) you are going to get more women say NO than YES. So - it takes going through a quantity of women before you're going to get lucky. And if you are going to go through a quantity of women - you first have to go to where the women are. And the easiest way to do that is to get on the Internet and go to the web sites when women who want to get laid hang out. And where is that? The dating sites - especially the adult dating sites.

Adult dating sites is where the women are. It's because it's not limited into a physical location and you don't have to be on at the same time. And - if a woman is advertising in adult dating - you can assume that she is most likely interested in getting laid to. So by getting online you are where many women are how are looking to possibly fuck someone like you.

So - which service do you use? Again - it's about numbers. It's like going fishing. You want to find the fishing hole where a lot of fish are. That's the first step. If you have everything else right and there's no women - you aren't going to get any. So on the principle of having the numbers on your side - I go to the one with the biggest numbers. And the biggest adult dating web site with the most women looking to get laid is Adult Friendfinder. There are lots of other one's too and it all depends on what you are looking for. Some are even free. If you live in San Francisco, you'll want to check out Craig's List which is a free listing service for all kinds of things, including sex.

Knowing what you are looking for

If you are confused about what you are looking for then it's harder to find it. If you are looking to get laid you don't want to hang out in a convent. If you want to just get laid you don't want to find women who are looking for a husband. Many guys have complex visions of "the right one" and won't have sex unless she's perfect. If this is you then that may be the reason you aren't finding what you want. Maybe you need to get laid a few times - build up some self confidence - and then go looking for the "right one".

Again - getting back to the math - the less picky you are - the easier it is to find someone to fuck. If you are over 50 and are old and ugly - and all you want is an 18 year old cheerleaders - you aren't likely to get that lucky. If that's what you want then get your wallet out and rent one. Which actually is a good solution. But - if you are very broad in who you are looking for then there's a lot more possibilities. The less picky you are - the more women there are to choose from.

Generally the Barbies are harder to find. There are less of them and more competition. On the other hand - if you like fat women - you're in luck because that are "tons" of heavy women who are dying to get laid. Older women are easier that younger women and a lot less inhibited. May not be as pretty to look at but so what. A little candle light and a couple of joints and they are all beautiful.

If you haven't been laid in a long time and really need to get some, consider broadening your selection. Don't be so picky. Once you get laid and get confident you can try for someone more your ideal. Manu guys don't get laid because they are too picky.

Understanding Women

What do women want? What makes women want to have sex? Why would a woman be attracted to you? Why would a woman want you compared to all the other guys out there? What's it going to take to get a woman to fuck you?

To understand that you have to understand sex. I'm gone into this in detail in my Nerd's Guide to Sex but I will mention some of the key points here. The bottom line is - sex is about reproduction. By that I mean - all the sex drives are honed to lead to pregnancy. That is the basic function of se - and to understand this is to understand women - and to understand how to get laid.

We are the descendents of 3 billion years of fucking. Everything down to plant life wants to fuck something. There are people in history who have risen above their sexual desires, but those people are not our ancestors. We are the descendants of those who fuck, and got pregnant fucking. Those sexual instincts are passed on and are part of who we are. This is the reason you are reading this web page looking to get laid. But the good news is - this applies to women too.

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The reason you want to fuck a woman is the same reason she wants to fuck you. It's instinct. We are no different than animals who want to breed. We like to think that human sex happen on "a higher plane" but the reality is - it doesn't. And to understand this is to understand how to find women to have sex with.

Basically women are like us. They physically need it. Their bodies crave to be fucked. That's what they are designed for. And they all have to have it. But - not all the time. When a woman isn't interested - it's not going to happen. But when the time is right - it's a different story altogether. Most of them either have it - are hunting for it - or both. And if they are on Adult Friendfinder, they are really ready.

Basically - the easiest way to get laid is to find the women who are ready for it. When they are ready - someone is going to get laid. And that someone could be you. When women aren't ready - no one is getting it. If a woman isn't in the mood however - you can still establish a social relationship with her and hope you're around when her mood changes. And - it's good to hang with women just to keep in practice. Hanging with women allows you to learn how to get comfortable with them - and let them get comfortable with you. A key lesson we will cover shortly.

Things that Women Like

What do you need to have to get a woman to fuck you? The answer might surprise you. Most people think you need to be big, muscular, tall, thin, and have washboard abs. And these things do help - but it's not the most important thing that women want. And if you don't have these features - it just doesn't matter. Because as you know - there's guys who are really ugly who are getting it all the time.

Women are Unpredictable

For those of you who are into quantum physics - the Uncertainty Principle applies to women. You can do everything right and still get rejected for absolutely no reason at all. And you can totally fuck up and get lucky. There's no predicting it and no explaining it. The best you can do is understand that it is the way it is. Sex is something that doesn't make sense if you are trying to apply logic to it. What you need to do is not take it personally or let rejection get to you. Rejection is just part of the process. The best way to get past it is to carry on and try again and try to position yourself so that the odds are more in your favor and wait till you get lucky. If you try to predict it, explain it, or make sense of it - you're wasting your time. You have to accept that you are dealing with an irrational environment and that's just the way it is.

It's about being Persistent

One thing that separates those who score from those who don't is that the guys who score don't personalize failure and they keep trying. Guys who don't score give up too easy. For example, if you join Adult Friendfinder and you message 5 women and get no response, that's typical. You might have to message 100 women before you start getting into a conversation. And then maybe only 1 in 20 will have sex with you, and that's if you don't blow it. If this sounds expensive tome and effort wise - that's because it is. It's far more expensive to get free sex than it is to just go out and find a hooker and pay for it, And - it's something to consider because after all - if you're just trying to get laid - a hooker is a sure thing. And - many women who are in that business are incredible in bed - love the sex - and looking for a good lover to enjoy their job with. That's all covered in my Men's Guide to Escort Services. But if you want it for free - you have to be persistent.

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Your chances of getting laid are proportional to the number of attempts you make. If you try 10 times your are twice as likely to score than if you try 5 times. And if you try 100 times your odds really go up. Of course you want to try to make smarter attempts to - but ultimately no matter how bad you do if you keep at it - you will eventually get lucky. No matter how unlikely it is that someone like you will get lucky - if you try hard enough it will eventually work.

It's about being Smart

In addition to being persistent - you also have to learn and make better attempts. Notice what is working and what isn't. Doing the math again, if you become twice as attractive, or blow it half as many times, then in theory you should get laid with half as many attempts. If you become less picky and accepting of twice as many women, then you have twice the chances of finding someone.

There are guys who find women easily and guys who have to work for it. But the guys who work for it can get lucky too, you just have to be smarter than they guys who are born lucky. And being smarter works a lot better than bring good looking. When I was young I was good looking - but didn't realize it. I've been with well over 100 women in my life and the vast majority of them were after I turned 40. In fact, I've been with far more women who are in their 20s after I turned 40 than I had been with when I was under 40. Why? Because now I understand how it works and back then I was clueless. Which makes my point here that it's more about knowing what you're doing than what you look like.

Women Have two Modes

This applies to men as well but there's this switch in a woman's brain that flips as she switches over into sexual mode. It a mental and biological process. Sometimes the mind leads the body into it. Sometimes the body leads the mind into it. But it's two different states and each state has it's own set of rules.

What you meet women online - depending on where you meet them - they might already be in the sexual state. If a woman is in a hot chat room - she ready and looking. In this state her biochemistry is very different than normal. The blood is pumping, the clit swollen and craving attention, the nipples are erect and sensitive, the cunt is wet and open, and the mind seeks out sexual imagery looking for someone to share the experience with. And if it's a chat room - you are there now. All you have to do is find the right woman in the right mood and go for it.

When a woman is in sexual mode her body is physically craving to be fucked. I've always said that the purpose of the clit is to suppress good judgement. And in fact I believe it's true. After all - if we were left to only have kids when we choose the human race would have been extinct millions of years ago. In that respect we are no different than the animals. The clit suppresses good judgement and the body take over and extracts the sperm it craves. The trick to getting laid is to be the one when that process happens.

Not to say that men don't get equally stupid. You are here - reading this - because your instinct is to find places to distribute that sperm. It takes over and no matter how stupid it is - you're going to do it. President Clinton is an example of this principle. Putting the politics of it aside, people wonder - how is it that Clinton can be stupid enough to do that. If you actually read the Starr report - he was just as confused himself. You can't explain it as long as you think he made a decision to do it. But - that's not what happened.

What happened was that he allowed himself to get to close. He had the hot little honey showing herself off in front of him and his body started responding. Before long his body started a political coup. His brain was impeached and his body did it. When his brain recovered he was like - what the hell did I do?

Getting back to the point. Sex is like that for everyone to some extent. You can control it to a point and after that - it takes over. The rest is instinct driven. And that's why women are so picky because when they get in that state - it has to be with someone the are comfortable with and the can trust that they won't regret it afterwards. So they hold it off till they find the right guy to be that way with.

But - if you are around a woman and she is comfortable with you and there are no barriers - and then if the instinct starts to take over it just grows, and if there's nothing to block it - all you have to do is sit there and smile and just let it happen. You just be funny - and off comes the clothes. Don't even try to really lead it - just let it happen. When you are in this situation - you can still blow it. At that point it's not a matter of doing it right - it's a matter of not doing anything wrong.

One of the things a lot of guys who aren't getting laid don't get is that they could be getting laid but they sabotage it. The don't understand the rules and they either don't see the opportunity coming, or they start getting strange and they spook the woman off before the demons fully take over.

Women are very chemically driven and the chemicals have to be there before anything is going to happen. There are times when it just isn't going to happen at all and if you even try beyond a small hint you can end up in the banned category. When the time isn't right - don't even go there. Not going to happen.

Then there are times when the body could get ready and it just takes a signal from the brain to trigger the process. Some little mental image that's like starting an avalanche. When women are in the window where the might become ready then indirect sexual imagery can get things rolling. You have to be subtle about it and look for clues to see if she's responding positively to it. And - it's a lot like building a fire. You don't whip your log out first. You need to nurture the fire - let the heat build - get a good flame going - then stick the log in.

Using Adult Chat for Training

To understand women sexually you need to understand how women think. To understand how women think you need to interact with them. And where do you go to do that? I think a good place is the adult chat rooms. Adult Chat gives you a way to interact with women in a totally anonymous way without many of the complications of meeting in person. And - you'll find that when women are annonymous that they are a lot more open sexually than they are if you know who they are.

Anonymous chat gives you the opportunint to reinvent yourself. No longer do age, weight, looks, hight, money, race, or planet of origin make a difference. You can be anyone, anything - no limits. It's a world of fantasy and you are whoever you choose to be - interacting with women being who they choose to be. You can be a space alien if you wan. In fact - space aliens are very popular with women. You would be amazed by then number of women who get hot about the idea of being gang raped by space aliens. And with space aliens - there's no limit to what kind of appendages they have or what they can do with them.

In adult chat rooms you can find someone and then do one on one chat. Usually the title of the room sets the mood for what you are looking for. And - you might create multiple profiles depending on what room you want to go into. This is where you can have cybersex where you and her exchange mutual sexual thoughts and masturbate.

You may be thinking - "I'm not interested in cyber sex - I want the real thing." And - I understand that. But - cyber is something you should consider for several reasons. It may not be as good as real - but it's better than just masturbating. It also eliminates the need to be physically local allowing you to interact with women all over the world. It eliminates a lot of complications relating to being physically attracted to each other. In fact - often it is better not to exchange pictures because the imagination is often hotter than the reality of what you both look like. If it's cyber - what does it matter what the other person looks like?

But - the most important think you get from cyber is that you are interacting with a real woman (or a gay guy pretending to be a woman - watch out for that). And you are interacting with an uninhibited woman who is uninhibited by virtue of being anonymous. A woman will get hotter and nastier a lot faster if she knows that you will never find out who she is. This will give you a rare insight into the sexual mind of women. You will be able to interact with them on a very basic primitive sexual level and get to understand how the aroused female mind works. And this is the key to getting laid. What you learn about women in cyber often applies to the real world too. I think the knowledge and experience of cyber will make you a lot more likely to find real because the same things that get women hot online get women hot in real life.

From Cyber to Phone Sex

As you get better at cyber you'll find yourself moving up to phone sex. Phone sex is often a very underestimated form of sex and sometimes can be as good or better than the real thing. Although phone sex has some obvious disadvantages - it has some real advantages too. Like cyber - location doesn't matter. And with chat programs supporting voice you can have voice sex with someone on the other side of the planet. You are also not limited by your looks or her looks because - unless you've exchanged pictures - looks don't matter when it comes to phone sex.

With phone sex you are still anonymous, and she is anonymous. If you use caller ID blocking then no one knows the other's number. I recommend that because not knowing is a good thing. You never want t call someone again unless they have invited you online to do so. If you do then you instantly become a stalker and it not only ruins it for you - but for everyone else too. Many women online have had negative experiences with guys who noted the caller ID and then called back later and became a pest. In fact - one of the barriers you have to cross in getting a woman to have phone sex with you is the trust barrier. So learning phone sex is also a way to learn how to get women to trust you. And that's even more important when it comes to real sex.

Phone sex is like cyber with better communication. You don't have to type with one hand. It's mutual masturbation with in interaction of voice. And it can be in some ways more intimate that real sex in the the communcation between you is verbal rather than physical and I've found that I'm more verbal during phone sex than real sex. It's a more cerebral form of sex and it lets you and a woman connect on a mental sexual level. And it has the advantage of eliminating the physical awkwardness that can occur during real sex.

Keep in mind that I'm not trying to convert you from real sex to phone sex, but that phone sex is a lot better than nothing - and it can be used as an educational tool to understand women. And it is quite satisfying too. If you do phone sex right you feel like you got laid afterwards. Generally both people achieve orgasms during phone sex and probably even more so than with real sex. So if you come and she has an orgasm any you've both heard each other come - is that sex? Yes - it is. Dude - you scored!

Another advantage of phone sex is that if the woman is local it can lead to real sex. It's part of the progression. Often women you meet online aren't going to just jump in the sack with you after the first message. Sometime you have to take it a step at a time. It might start out with emails, then you get online and chat - leading to cyber. The cyber gets hot and you suggest finishing by phone. After doing phone a couple of times you get together for real. And even if it doesn't lead to real - you still had fun in the process.

Work in progress.


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